Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don’t

What my experience as an American girl in Australia has taught me about hypocrisy, empathy, and being globally misunderstood.

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Four months ago, I moved to Australia with an open mind, heart, and curiosity to learn. Much to my surprise, I was met with casual cruelty rather than an inviting welcome. I quickly learned that my experience as an American woman traveling abroad was not going to be the dream I had hoped for.

Before coming, I made sure to do my research and learn more about Australia while also keeping some mystery. After all, I was excited to absorb the culture rather than just study it online. Within hours of landing, I was met with stereotypes and biases, all due to where I’m from.

The sad part is that this is not a general statement about Australians and how they feel about Americans, but more so about the world. I learned that Americans are universally hated and, quite frankly, bullied. I was aware of this before coming because I’d done my fair share of traveling. Despite the warnings, I still had an open mind and excitement for my new travel experience. My experience hasn’t been all bad, but pretending like it’s been all good would be a complete and utter lie.

Within weeks of landing in Gold Coast, Australia, I secured a job at a café. Prior to this job, I’d had several service industry jobs and dealt with many rich, snobby, and entitled people, but never like the group I encountered in Main Beach. I was met with chuckles, eye rolls, and frustration for asking basic questions to my bosses and coworkers. God forbid I ask what “rocket” is, since in my country we call it “arugula.” I simply wasn’t allowed to learn about the culture and was expected to already know every single thing. It was like I was supposed to be Australian.

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Lesson 1: People will be ignorant but mask it as being intellectual

People will call Americans ignorant only to prove their own ignorance by generalizing an entire nation of 340 million people, over 13 times the population of Australia and almost the same land size as the entire continent of Europe.

They’ll make assumptions about Americans, thinking we believe we’re the center of the world, yet they can’t stop talking about us. People are obsessed with criticizing the United States, and it’s become a global form of bullying. The worst part is that they’ll mask it as “holding the U.S. accountable” when it’s really about being morally superior.

Because honestly, most people don’t actually care about the political state of the country. They don’t have empathy for the division or what’s going on internally. They like to sit, observe, criticize, laugh at, and diminish every American for something we have no control over. They nitpick every character trait of Americans as if we’re not allowed to be human and have a personality.

One time, my roommate told me a story about “loud annoying Americans” on a bus, only for my other roommate to correct her and say they were Canadian. Despite what she may think, I’m not stupid, and I can see right through her bullshit. It was a passive-aggressive jab meant to insult me. Why would anyone feel the need to say something like that to an American? It proves that people are waiting for an excuse to mock Americans, even when they’re wrong.

And honestly, the hypocrisy is obvious. I can name many groups of people known for being loud, but I don’t see them getting criticized like Americans do. Many other cultures are praised for being loud and passionate, but Americans get dragged for the same behavior. Latinos are the life of the party, Italians can be expressive speakers, but Americans are just obnoxious.

The same traits that are celebrated in others are shamed in us. Even if you don’t possess those traits yourself, they’ll assume you do. The funniest part of all this is that I am far from loud. I tend to be quiet in public, but if you’re not too loud, then you’re too friendly or too expressive or too enthusiastic. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

On another occasion, I asked a coworker if she celebrates Halloween, a genuine and curious question. She immediately mocked me and said, “No, that’s an American thing,” in a condescending tone. Later, I asked my friends from Canada and the UK, and they said of course they celebrate Halloween. It proved to me that it wasn’t ignorant for me to ask, but it would’ve been arrogant for me to assume. I should be allowed to learn about the culture without being shamed.

The reality is speaking the same language doesn’t mean having the same culture. Each country has its own slang, customs, traditions, and values, and God forbid that I want to learn about them. The entitlement people have toward Americans “knowing everything” about their country is absurd. What an unrealistic expectation to set on a group of people. And to make matters worse, they don’t do this to other people.

I was once out with a large group of people, and they were pointedly asking me questions about different countries and things, trying to make me look stupid. The funny thing is, someone from South America said several things that weren’t geographically correct, but I didn’t see him getting the same treatment. This isn’t to say others don’t experience xenophobia or struggles, but it’s interesting how America has become the target and laughingstock of the world.

People’s faces literally change when they hear I’m from the U.S. They’ll vibe with me and enjoy my presence, then ask where I’m from, and immediately they’re turned off (which doesn’t make any sense because they liked me right up until that point). It’s a subtle microaggression and blatant rejection. They decide who you are based on your nationality rather than your character.

So, if you’re American and traveling, you can forget the joy of learning culture as you go. People expect you to know everything before you even land.

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Lesson 2: Criticism is general, but consumption is selective

America’s global visibility isn’t our fault: it’s the result of Hollywood, music, entertainment, and cultural impact. People claim to hate Americans until the American is famous. They worship Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Zendaya, conveniently forgetting they’re American.

They’ll talk to you about American media and pop culture but still treat you like you’re beneath them. It proves the hate isn’t real, it’s selective. The moment an American gives them entertainment, the judgment disappears.

We even saw it with the TikTok ban. Everyone was suddenly rooting for Americans, saying they’d miss them on the app because they’re funny, creative, and make it entertaining. They hated us until it benefited them not to.

And the saddest part? If I was famous, they’d forget I’m American real quick.

It’s one thing to not agree with a country’s government; it’s another to make it a point to hate the people. How can you hate American personalities yet watch them play out in movies, shows, and books? They attend concerts, wear the brands, use our Tik Tok slang.

The reality is, I didn’t choose for my culture to be influential, it just is. It’s unrealistic to expect me to know about other countries in the same way others know about America. It’s a double standard to hate the idea of Americans but love what they create.

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Lesson 3: Intelligence without empathy is cruelty

So how can you claim moral superiority while living off the very culture you criticize? Also, the intellectual superiority people show off is really just their ego on display, and it exposes their lack of empathy. Knowledge without empathy isn’t impressive; it’s ugly.

Being “educated” on every issue doesn’t make you a good human being. It just makes you well-informed. But people weaponize intellect to feel better than others.

For me, real intelligence is curiosity, empathy, humility, and kindness with a willingness to learn. The hardest part of this experience is that I didn’t come abroad as a patriotic American, I just existed as one. But constant judgment has actually made me more proud of who I am, despite how they try to make me feel.

I may not be patriotic in a political sense, but I’m proud of my identity and my humanity. I like that I’m kind, friendly, curious, open-minded, and expressive. I will not be “laid-back” or shrink myself to be a part of the culture. What was meant to shame me only made me proud. Because if being myself makes me a dumb American in your eyes, then I’ll wear that label proudly.

Like I said earlier, there’s nothing wrong with having opinions about global issues or politics. It’s one thing to be perplexed by American politics, but it’s another to attack individuals that have no part in it aside from residing in the country. Most of these people would never generalize other nationalities this way without backlash because it would be called racism.

Lastly, I once had a customer tell me, “Hurry up, America,” for simply reading back the order. This made me so mad because I knew if that had been said to my Japanese or Thai coworker, others would’ve defended them. Because that would be seen as racist. But when it happens to Americans, it’s somehow acceptable, yet it’s clearly xenophobic.

I haven’t even mentioned that I am a Black woman. Because the loud, undeniable xenophobia is the real issue; the lingering questions about it possibly being about my race are just the cherry on top.

Even worse, people who want to be your friend will make jokes—and when you say it’s not funny or kind, they’ll call you “sensitive” or say you “can’t take a joke.” They’re allowed to be cruel toward you without any consequence. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

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But despite all this, this isn’t a hate letter to Australia or any other continent or country. I would never generalize an entire nation.

This is an essay about the hypocrisy of the world and how it abuses America. People are so focused on criticizing the U.S. that they forget to clean up their own mess. The racism, inequality, and microaggressions in parts of Australia don’t seem to be acknowledged, yet there’s always time to talk about how much better they are than us.

It’s ironic. People claim to care about justice but ignore the issues in their own backyard. Knowing every U.S. scandal doesn’t make you global or educated, it just makes you obsessed. It seems like many international people know more about America than Americans do, and that’s not something to brag about.

Memorizing facts is easy, but empathy takes character, something intellect can’t teach. I care more about connecting than debating. I travel to learn about people’s culture because I’m genuinely curious, not to feel superior. I don’t research a country to criticize it; I ask questions to understand. I’m not perfect, but I try to live my life with love and an open mind, not judgment.

Despite everything, I still give Australia a chance. I’ll continue to travel the country and enjoy its beauty and people. Even though I’ve had countless negative experiences, I’ll always remain open and kind. I will never generalize people in the way they generalize me. Why? Because I do what many people can’t: give people a chance.

If being “educated” means being heartless and mean, I don’t want that kind of intelligence. I’d rather be mocked as an “uneducated American” with empathy than a smart person with no soul. I’d rather be considered stupid and accepting than an intellectual asshole.

These past four months have been eye-opening. I’ve met people from all over the world, and while some experiences have been hard, I wouldn’t change them. Because they taught me something valuable: I’ll never change myself to please people. I don’t need to prove my intelligence, awareness, or eagerness to learn. Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. They’ll always see you through their narrowed perspective full of bias and stereotypes.

But I’ll never let that harden my heart. I’ll remain soft, open, and curious, no matter where I go or who I meet. Because people aren’t their nationality; they’re who they choose to be. And I’ll keep giving the same grace I wish was given to me.

And for that, I’m proud to be me. All of me. Even the American part.